So as a budding pagan, I'm kind of trying to figure out who, exactly, I'm worshiping. There are a lot of options out there (I say that like I'm going to the store for a deity, haha), and everyone finds that there's a certain somebody who calls to them more than others, or someone to whom they fit more closely - male or female - or that there's a pantheon that matches more closely with the workings of the world as they see it.
But for me, I've always just sort of looked at it as a "god" and "goddess" situation, with no real identifiers to anybody. Which is fine, all things considered, but it seemed silly to me to continually envision someone but not know who, exactly, I was thinking about. Does that make sense to anybody? No? Um.
Well, that's about as good as I can put it for now, but apparently I just figured things out. In my head, I always see Athena.
Now, I know for a mom, this sounds kind of silly - Athena loved everybody, but in a purely platonic way. She only kind of had a child (who wasn't even technically her's, but that she took in), she never had a sexual relationship - doesn't that kind of destroy the open pagan sense of relationships and seeing sex and intimate relationships as sacred things? How can I see these things as still sacred and important while envisioning a goddess that never took part in any of those?
I don't even now where I am right now in my thoughts, so this is going to be very stream of consciousness I suppose; apologies for that.
But when I see a goddess in my head I see someone strong, someone patient and kind who loves everyone, someone who is wise and thoughtful and creative. I see someone I'd like to think is the kind of person I'd like to be. I see Athena as she's described here, though maybe with a little more earth worked into her, a sort of perfect combination of Diana and Athena. But they're two separate, unrelated Greek goddesses. Do I have a right to combine them in my mind? Maybe not, but I can look at them as two functional, respective parts of a whole - two beautiful goddesses who in their own rights provided of the world. Jupiter and Apollo, as gods, strike me similarly. So in a description of the Triple Goddess, who do I see? Diana, obviously, the Mother. Athena - neither Maiden nor Crone. How does this fit in? Who is the Crone? Does it matter? Do I even have a right to be reassigning these things as I see fit?
Is there anybody out there who can lend me guidance?