Monday, October 29, 2012

On Being Away

I have been away for quite some time.

Not away from life, mind you - away from here. Honestly, away from inspiration. I have these issues more often than I probably ought to, as someone who'd like to eventually be considered a "serious" blogger, although I'm aware that at the moment the market for off-label "nonconformist" mom bloggers is so saturated that honestly, I'm another drop in the bucket. This is not my job, nor do I make a single cent off of it. Unlike a lot of the amazing bloggers I follow and know, I don't have the same intuition and innate sense of humor to drive me. Long story short, I don't have a captive audience - and I wouldn't know what to do with one even if I did.

A lot of things have happened on our end as of late that have posed a lot of problems. Both of the kids are now in school - A in the morning for preschool and G all day in kindergarten. From what I can tell, the boys absolutely love it, and it has been an added blessing in that A has been learning more about using the potty and being a big boy. As much as I hate seeing the training pants and diapers go, as it means I no longer have any babies, it's lovely to know we're moving up a step in the world. Both kids continue to impress their teachers with their knowledge of math and reading, and I have a feeling that they'll both end up in the talented and gifted program in our school system once they're old enough to test in at the third grade level. I honestly cannot wait to see what life has in store for them.

As a couple, we're still struggling. Money is a sore spot for us although we've been making progress on our bills. Our medical bills have been some of our biggest issues, as they have been piling up thanks to pneumonia, dental issues, and an MRSA infection I contracted on my abdomen in the last month. On one hand it is a blessing to have medical insurance - and on the other hand I cannot tell you how thankful I am, inwardly, that we are still on Medicaid. Unfortunately, while that should mean all of our non-dental bills should be covered, we still have some issues with bills that slipped between the cracks and weren't submitted to Medicaid. I have been trying to get as much overtime at work as I possibly can, as we are currently looking at several hundred dollars in dental work for Hubby to have done ASAP, and with Yule coming up I am trying hard to find ways to give things to the children that they'll love without breaking the proverbial bank.

Our biggest issue by far is that we are still living with my mother. The house down the street that we lived in last year has come back up on the rental market and we are sorely tempted to inquire, on the idea that maybe the landlords will agree to let us back in - but money of course is the constant issue. We have nothing to back up our desire to live there again; for me, it's a difference of needing to make sure that we are in the same school district for the kids, as I moved schools when I was younger and it was difficult for me to go from one to another. I want to stay in this neighborhood - it's safe, I know it, it's predictable, and it's a place I feel confident raising my children. We will see what happens. Our original goal was to be here no more than a year at best - and it has now been two months past that point and there is no end in sight. At this point we're all honestly tired of being here. It's confining, depressing, and dark. Awnings over most of the windows keep the sun out when the layered blinds and curtains can't manage, the house is in dire need of incredibly expensive repairs, and on October 10th my mother took one of our dogs - the dog she unquestionably was madly in love with - to be put down because of a number of difficult to treat health problems. G was heartbroken but A was tactful as ever and has candidly responded to the situation with commentary on how the dog is now dead. He has the intuition of a three year old, for sure.

Culinarily speaking, this is an amazing time of year - pumpkin is the flavor of the season, and we have been indulging at every opportunity. Pumpkin pancakes, pumpkin pie, and pumpkin cookies with chocolate chips and oats are just a few of the seasonal favorites around here. Unfortunately not enough of our garden survived the summer heat and unpredictable temperatures, so currently the only thing hanging around now is our blueberry bush, which will need to come in soon as the temperatures during the days are now only climbing into the mid-50s, while the nights are hitting at freezing or below. Covering it will simply not suffice in the next week or so.

So, for now, that's everything. I'm going to go clean and create something, probably start making things for the kids, and generally try not to feel like so much of a failure.