Thursday, January 3, 2013

On new beginnings

2012 was a hell of a year for us.

I don't even mean that in the "we lost a lot of celebrities and bad things happened" way. I mean that on a very personal level, 2012 sucked to degrees I can only barely comprehend, much less put into coherent words. While it started with what was supppsed to be a promising new job it ended as a painful and poignant reminder of just how hard we can try to achieve our dreams without ever actually getting anything done. It was a frustrating year of two steps forward, one step back, and it seemed like every boon came with a punishment. Numerous illnesses have plagued us this year, as have dental bills, medical bills, lost opportunities, setbacks, and so much overtime that I'm at work more than I see my family. Plans to leave my mother's house by August became plans to try to escape in 2013 sometime, with no solid timeframe. It was agreed that my husband should go back to therapy, and finally, agreed that G - at five and a half - should also seek help.

In short, 2012 sucked balls, and I celebrated its ending by giving it the finger and not watching the ball drop.

Unfortunately 2013 didn't start any differently than its predecessor ended, which is honestly to be expected. Change -- especially good change -- rarely occurs overnight. Hubby is still quick to anger and slow to cool down, the kids are still showing obvious signs of stress and frustration. My mother is still unpredictable, and hasn't stopped treating Hubby like an animal. If the old adage that you should start the new year doing what you want to spend the whole year doing is true, then I will be getting very little sleep, staying frustrated, and will be working a lot.

There are still hints, here and there, of promise. With the solstice over the days are becoming longer, and soon won't feel like they end at 5:30. Spring will return within the next few months, and with it, life hopefully not just for the world, but for our family.

So brightest blessings to your family in this new year; may you be healthy, and have all you need (and a lot of what you want). And if, like us, you too have struggled and are now hoping for better, my cup is raised to you and your's with positive strength in your direction.

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