Saturday, March 23, 2013

On Not Saying Much (Callous Language Edition)

I haven't been saying much as of late, but I've had a lot to say.

I don't normally wax poetic on the current state of the Internets, lamenting how we as mothers and parents cannot simply support and cradle one another in the long, rewarding, but incredibly taxing and difficult journey that is parenthood. I know things don't work that way. This is not the perfect utopia where people are respectful of one another's beliefs and ideals and bodies without attempting to push their morals onto anyone else. This is not a world where people are free to think and do as they please without hurting others. It should be - it always should be - but it never will be.

That being said, I have to ask: What the fuck, Internet?

Exactly when the fuck did the point of coexisting, of supporting, of even fucking faking it become finding a beautiful, amazing pregnant woman and mocking her relentlessly just to be a jackass? I was under the impression that the asshats who used to act that way to anyone who wasn't like them were either left behind in high school or sure as hell aren't around trolling mommy bloggers. I thought that those would be the dickweeds that are out getting blasted tonight. I did not imagine that one woman - a woman who owns everything she is and everything about her family, a woman who is amazing in every way I've seen and who loves her family and friends unconditionally, a woman who is a boon to the pagan community and someone who does her best to educate those interested in an attached parenting lifestyle - would end up mercilessly targeted by these dicks. I doubt she imagined it either; I know she has mentioned before drawing the ire of people who disagree, but hell, I think we've all done that before, but some of us have managed to remain in the darkness, unnoticed by our "foes".

So I ask again. What the fuck?

No, I'm not asking for everybody to hold hands and sing together, because I know a lot of people who don't like to hold hands or sing or maybe who don't like being out in public. I'm not asking for everybody to pretend that they agree with everybody else and ignore who they are for the sake of making some people happy. I'm not asking anybody to give up their religion, their morals, their parenting styles - I'm asking for one simple thing. Something that a friend of mine, someone I care about very deeply, said is his first rule in life (and I think his grandmother got it damn right):

If it's going to hurt someone else, don't do it.

If you're trolling a pregnant woman on her blog and calling her fat because you're intent on being as hurtful and disruptive as possible, maybe you should, you know, NOT, because it's going to hurt her. If you're thinking about turning around and mocking how a coworker wears her makeup, or how loud she talks, or maybe you're the kind who always has to have something to say about everything, even if your words are often callous and demeaning, then you need to shut your goddamn mouth for a second and THINK before you open it again. It doesn't matter, maybe that pregnant woman on that blog will never find out that you said those things to her. Maybe your coworker won't ever catch wind of the nasty bile you've been spreading. Maybe the people who are sick and tired of all the hateful things you just HAVE to say about every little damn thing are always willing to let it slide and wait for the topic to change. But it isn't up to them - the victims, the people on the other end, the ones who are the recipients of your bile - to let it roll off their backs, or avoid hearing what you have to say.

It's up to you to be a fucking good person.

Because you know what? Maybe you think she looks fat (or maybe you think she's too skinny), and maybe your coworker does wear too much makeup to you (or maybe she might look better with at least a little on in your opinion), or maybe you're positive that somebody does talk just a little bit too loud sometimes - but none of it matters in the slightest. You are not perfect either. You are probably not the ideal weight or height. It's almost guaranteed that your proportions are at least a little off. Your clothes aren't perfect (whatever that is) and sometimes you probably snort when you laugh and then hope to all that's holy that nobody noticed. Maybe your feet really stink at the end of the day and you have to powder them every night. Nobody gives a damn because it just doesn't matter. You will never hurt anybody by just being you.

Unless "you" happens to be a vile, hate-spewing monkey. In which case, fuck off.

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