On Stepping Away

It has been a while.

You don't need me to tell you that; we're all intelligent people here, capable of coming to our own conclusions, and it doesn't take a rocket scientist to notice that I went AWOL at some point and just kind of disappeared into oblivion. There's a relatively good chance that in all honesty I could have stepped away from this blog and probably never have noticed - that isn't really a statement as to how I feel about any of YOU, just how I feel about life right now. It's frustrating at the moment, and there are days - oh, there are days - when I'm fairly sure it would have been more productive to curl back up in bed and forget about participating in my day-to-day activities.

First off, G turned five.

That's something I'm still working on wrapping my head around; for me, his birth and the time in our lives leading up to it was really traumatic and I didn't handle his arrival well. We never really bonded, and we're still working on repairing the damage done to our relationship from day one. Getting along and functioning together have always been a problem for he and I, and I have the sneaking suspicion that it will be this way for the rest of our lives, to some degree. It's hard to accept that, as I get to know him better every day and work harder on functioning in his life and his realm of existence (which is often so very different from everybody else's), I will probably never really "get" him and feel as close to him as some people do. I have a lot of guilt surrounding how he and I work together, a LOT of it.

Hubby has been struggling with some inner problems that have been doing a really unpleasant number on his digestive system. He's been having chronic and confusing issues that have been pointing in every odd direction and end in the same place: Eat better, dude. So that, of course, is another aspect of our lives that has been difficult to deal with, as our jobs have left us getting home relatively late with little time between pulling into the driveway and putting the boys to bed.

There are, of course, other problems we've faced but in all honesty they're not really anything different or worth sharing. We struggle like anybody else does, only sometimes in different ways or directions, and in the long run it's really nothing to constantly talk about.

In other news, we finally got some planting done here at my mother's house. Because of the dogs, and of the time and effort necessary to maintain an in-ground garden, we've gone to container planting. We're now up three strawberry plants, a red pepper, sweet basil, onion chives, Italian parsley, tomato, seven broccoli plants, and a blueberry bush, with green beans and butter leaf lettuce in sprout mode as we speak, and plans to appropriate a raspberry bush as well. So far everything is doing fairly well, but we did admittedly learn something from our planting endeavors last year: we bought a LOT of plants that were already sprouted. Probably not as kosher as it could be, but the fact of the matter remains that we've proven on numerous occasions that we're really no good at growing from seed, and it's in our best interests to start with something that someone else has already started. We're hoping for better results this year and thus far have definitely been granted them!

Other than that there is honestly little to report. We're still desperately searching for our own place, but are nowhere near prepared for it. Life in my mother's house is often frustrating and grates on our nerves to no end, but it is by far better than homelessness and we're thankful on a constant basis that we're somewhere we aren't being asked to pay for bills, so we're able to better catch up with our debts. The job I started on February 13th has made this significantly easier, but sadly we're still in that "oh my god we have money" stage of development and are slowly easing ourselves into the idea that we will be paying off our debts on a regular basis from now on.

I wish you all the best, and brightest blessings as life awakens again in the Northern Hemisphere! I'm going to try to post more often.