When good goes bad

(Alternatively titled, in which I bitch a lot and am unable to see the good in things.)

We were behind on rent.

Two months, to be specific; we saw it coming because I left my job to go back to school to become an RN. I saw something I could do, that I wouldn't hate, that would pay well. I knew getting there would be a huge pain. I didn't know trying to get there would completely conflict with our lives and drive us this far.

Let me back up.

We were behind on rent and our landlord knew it. They'd been understanding about us paying late, up until it came to the point that we literally couldn't pay anymore; we kept them in the loop as much as possible but there was never really much to report. $775 a month plus all the rest of our bills was impossible on one income and questionable student loan money. We were in over our heads. Last week we were given notice to produce $1700 in cash to our landlord or face immediate eviction. My student loan payment came in, we handed just about all of it over a day late (after calling them and letting them know we had no choice; the bank put a hold on the check), and after taking and counting it our landlord informed us that he would be unable to renew our lease. We have about three weeks - not even a full month - to find someplace else to live and move completely.

This is our fifth move in about as many years.

Our kids don't remember the other places we lived. In 2007 I moved out of my mom's house into a house on the southwest side of town with what ended up being six other people by the time we found out we were pregnant and left. Our next house, on the west side of Broadway, was actually a one-bedroom apartment on the very hot third floor of a very old house. We had no storage, the air conditioning rarely functioned, and the place had problems - including the landlord - that we won't discuss. Suffice to say the guy wasn't all that nice, and after G was born we escaped, having stayed not even a year from fall of 2007 to summer of 2008. After living with my mom for a short time, we hopped immediately into another building, one on 12th Street, just off Broadway. We thought it was a good deal as even though it was technically only a one bedroom because it was the lower half of an old house, we had the basement to ourselves, a dedicated parking lot, we could convert a room into a bedroom, and we were doing okay. Spring of 2009 saw us moving before our lease was up, this time because the bank across the street that owned it was tearing the building - and two others - down to make more parking for the other tenants in the building it was located within. The assistant manager bullied us into another house they owned, and we were stupid and said yes, and again we moved. A couple of weeks after we got everything into our new home, A came along. G had his own room, we had our own room, we had a basement, a deck, the whole house was our's - but structural issues (ask anyone who had been in that house) and issues with the bank that owned it (they wanted us to rent to own, and we knew we couldn't own that house with the problems it had) left us yet again searching for someplace new. Summer of 2010 we moved yet again, living for a couple of months with my mother again, and swore it would be the last time, into the house we're in now.

But I had been sucked into a stupid "make money quick" scheme in the form of Combined Insurance, and it wasn't long before Hubby was unemployed and in a deep depression over it, and I wasn't doing much better. We struggled, hard, and for the longest time we only made ends meet because of assistance from parents. And it sucked, more than I could ever describe, but our landlords were as understanding as we could have possibly hoped they would be. The fact of the matter is that we can't afford this house. So they're refusing to renew our lease, which they have every right to do. I can't blame them. It is what it is.

But that doesn't make it any easier on us.

I'm really, really depressed right now. This happened about two and a half hours ago and I'm still desperately trying to process the fact that no matter where we go, we don't have the money right now for a new house - so we're going to be living with someone else for a while. It's less than ideal in every way, shape, and form, but it is what it is. We can't change what is. We have been beyond lucky, beyond blessed to spend a year in a structurally sound, safe house in a good neighborhood where there is no drug trafficking or other crime, within walking distance of everything we'd need. We have busted ass to try to live the American dream, in a house with a back yard that was all our's, with a carport that we didn't have to share, in a house that didn't have a crumbling ceiling or tilted floors or sinking, half-destroyed foundation. We have been amazingly lucky to live someplace where everything was our's and we weren't trying to share space with other people and always feel like we were imposing on someone else's belongings, space, or sanity. We have lived, for what will amount to be one day shy of one year, the life we have so desperately wanted for ourselves and more importantly for our children.

Now, even though Hubby is working two jobs (one of which may pan out into something much better), and although I am in school busting my butt to make a better life for my family, we have to change how we do things. In the next three weeks we will be heavily downsizing, packing, sorting, setting up at least one yard sale, and selling a deal of our belongings. What we cannot sell will go into storage with my mom's assistance. We will be making huge sacrifices and unfortunately will be asking way, way too much of two very small children.

But things will continue to be, as they always have been, what they are.

I will do my best to continue posting in here as frequently as possible. I have no intention of dropping this blog. It is too frequently my sanity; it has gone beyond being a place for me to share the things I feel most passionately about. I just can't promise all my posts will be happy, useful, or long. I can't promise how often I'll be posting. I want to finish up my developmental psychology class completely, since it's online, before we move, and I still need to finish my human anatomy and physiology class, which I have to do as it goes. I will be going back to school in the fall, and then the spring all over again. I hope that we won't be staying long wherever we end up - we've been welcomed nearly indefinitely into two different households. We don't know right now where we're going to end up.