So as a budding pagan, I'm kind of trying to figure out who, exactly, I'm worshiping. There are a lot of options out there (I say that like I'm going to the store for a deity, haha), and everyone finds that there's a certain somebody who calls to them more than others, or someone to whom they fit more closely - male or female - or that there's a pantheon that matches more closely with the workings of the world as they see it.
But for me, I've always just sort of looked at it as a "god" and "goddess" situation, with no real identifiers to anybody. Which is fine, all things considered, but it seemed silly to me to continually envision someone but not know who, exactly, I was thinking about. Does that make sense to anybody? No? Um.
Well, that's about as good as I can put it for now, but apparently I just figured things out. In my head, I always see Athena.
Now, I know for a mom, this sounds kind of silly - Athena loved everybody, but in a purely platonic way. She only kind of had a child (who wasn't even technically her's, but that she took in), she never had a sexual relationship - doesn't that kind of destroy the open pagan sense of relationships and seeing sex and intimate relationships as sacred things? How can I see these things as still sacred and important while envisioning a goddess that never took part in any of those?
I don't even now where I am right now in my thoughts, so this is going to be very stream of consciousness I suppose; apologies for that.
But when I see a goddess in my head I see someone strong, someone patient and kind who loves everyone, someone who is wise and thoughtful and creative. I see someone I'd like to think is the kind of person I'd like to be. I see Athena as she's described here, though maybe with a little more earth worked into her, a sort of perfect combination of Diana and Athena. But they're two separate, unrelated Greek goddesses. Do I have a right to combine them in my mind? Maybe not, but I can look at them as two functional, respective parts of a whole - two beautiful goddesses who in their own rights provided of the world. Jupiter and Apollo, as gods, strike me similarly. So in a description of the Triple Goddess, who do I see? Diana, obviously, the Mother. Athena - neither Maiden nor Crone. How does this fit in? Who is the Crone? Does it matter? Do I even have a right to be reassigning these things as I see fit?
Is there anybody out there who can lend me guidance?
First, not everyone has one particular deity that they are specifically called to. Most Pagans I know actually do not. They simply refer to the "god and goddess" or just the "goddess" without giving a name. It's not really looking at the divine as a person. It's recognizing that divine energy (deities) has both masculine and feminine attributes.
ReplyDeleteIf you are meant to work with one or more deities above all others, that deity will come to you and let you know that when the time is right. What you're doing right now is the equivalent of knocking on every door in your neighborhood and asking, "are you my mother?" You'll meet some great people that way, but it's not likely to bring you to the place you think it will.
My advice is to spend time learning about various deities and just reaching your energetic self out into the world (and what's beyond our world) and see what/whom you find. Most likely what you'll find first is your Spirit Guides who can help point you in the right direction. Keep knocking on doors, but try asking, "who are you? what do you like? what's important to you?" instead of whether that deity is "yours".